please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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