working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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