Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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