There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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