is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
