U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
