Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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