It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
