i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
