i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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