am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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