Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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