You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
