Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
