remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
