What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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