Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
