The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
wow bdsm is so cute
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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