i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
