after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize