My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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