All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
