I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
