he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
