If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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