I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
