it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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