"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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