...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
