I want to make a zoo with you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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