i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize