he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
