I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
