...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
