Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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