I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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