I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
