now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize