Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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