let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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