No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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