did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he thought i was a dude.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
