Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize