Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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