So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize