anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
