he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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