The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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