I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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