I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
