Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
