He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize