if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
