Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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