It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
