please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
