Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
