I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
