Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize