The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
