Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
