i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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