somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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