I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
