Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
