I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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