If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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