I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
