textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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