I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
