I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
