Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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