We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
