I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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