in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
