my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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