If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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