I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
