Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am spending my child support on dildos
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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