I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So squirting runs in the family.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
