so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
