wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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